Today is an important day for nearly half of the world’s population… something like 49.6%…
So what does that mean? We are sharing half the wealth? No. We are sharing half of the top jobs? No. We are sharing half of the responsibilities of child rearing and household chores? No.
The truth is, even though we make up nearly half of the population, we have less wealth and more domestic responsibility than the other half of the population. Please do not take this to mean I do not hold my roles as “less than” in my heart and mind. I love being a mom, grandma, and wife… but the truth is there are so many more single moms than single dads… meaning that more single women take on the role of child rearing than do single men. So today we celebrate women because without women most leaders do not reach their pinnacle whether they are willing to admit that or not. I am proud that I am a woman and I am proud that I have strong women in my family (my daughters and daughter-in-law), but I am especially proud to know other strong women who teach me to be stronger, better, and smarter. I stand with all women today as they don the many hats they must all wear in order to be seen and heard every day.
I am attaching a blog post I wrote 4 years ago on this day because I could not say it better today. I hope it resonates with you and brings us all to the table to continue making the world better (and hopefully safer) for all… (even the boys).
From March 8, 2021:
March 8, 2021
I have pondered often about writing and resting. I considered docs for my children to access for times they were struggling with one life issue or another and I was not immediately available to put out the fire they were currently battling. I have also been reflecting lately on how my life would be different had I been better educated early on. One thing I wish I had been better at is cultivating and nurturing friendships with women and my children. I have often come to every relationship I have ever had as a fighter under the guise of how much I care about that person and that relationship. Really all that I was doing was protecting myself from hurt that I was certain was about to come because no one could be trusted with my heart or my feelings or any part of me that required growth on my part. There are so many people in my broad circle that I really care about, but I have always put conditions on those people and those relationships. One condition was that I had to control every aspect of that relationship. What would be different if I had approached life with my new knowledge?
If I had known in Kindergarten what I know now about the importance of kindness, I would have made friends easily and I would have never coveted the material items others had that I did not. I would have asked about the beauty in those items instead of disliking the person that had something I did not have. We are all significant. We all matter. And we all bring value to our spaces every day. Some people have valuables, some people have gentle spirits that fill the spaces with love, and some people have other assets that enable those around them to gain new knowledge in everyday nuances.
If I had known in Elementary school that I was smart and others were as well, I would have sought out a mentor to fill in the parts of my brain that did not learn in ways that others learned. I would have chosen to always learn through listening, smiling with others, and reading. I did not read a book from cover-to-cover until I was almost through my 20s. That is a hard fact to admit , but I did not know the joy of reading. I don’t know why. I remember being read to and having stories told to me from teachers and family members, but I was never told the joy of finishing a book or that I could learn to improve my vocabulary, my sense of awareness, and my ability to learn how to be a better person just by reading. I passed tests about books assigned to me having never read the book. I don’t know how I accomplished that feat, but somehow I did. I remember once in high school admitting that I do not read. I cannot imagine where I would be today had I been a reader.
If I had known in middle school that having friends mattered, I would have been a better friend. I would have listened just for the joy of getting to know someone better. I would have not tried to be popular instead I would have tried to be known for my character and my sense of pride in hard work. I would have tried to grow as a human being and not judged people by what they had or how they could help me move through the nuances of being a preteen girl in rural NC. I would have built relationships with my teachers and my classmates. I would have asked someone to teach me what a proper relationship was with others.
If I had known in high school that everything I did day-to-day mattered because I was learning to navigate relationships and work habits, I would have been a better student, a planner, and a person with pride who showed others that I was on a journey to be better every day and to learn every day. I would not have lived my life as if those four years were all that was left of me to define my significance in the world. If I had known that higher education was in my future and that higher education would be the place that I began to lay the foundation for my significance, I would have used my time in high school to continue my path of learning. I would have learned my strengths and my weaknesses to better plan my higher education goals. I would have begun the life habit of healthy eating, exercising, and water intake. I would have seen that the future really did depend on what I learned to do for the better (either for myself, the environment, or others) and that the road to success would have been paved and smoothed out in front of me instead of having dirt, gravel, and ruts caused by water runoff. As I reflect on the pain I endured because of my lack of awareness, I realize many of those ruts in the road were caused by my tears.
If I had known at 18 years old and my first attempt at higher education that I was the one who determined my fate, I would have actually attended classes as expected and asked the questions which would have improved my ability to gain the knowledge needed to pass my classes.
If I had known in my many other attempts at higher education that the point of higher ed really was education, I would have appreciated my advisor more. Don’t get me wrong, I REALLY appreciated (and still do appreciate) my advisor because reflection on that relationship has gotten me through many hardships of my own creation since that time. However, I did not use my relationships with my professors to learn much more than what was required of me to pass their class. I did not realise that the education I was gaining in each class was going to help me discover more of my ability to learn about my world around me and how I could be a part of the improvement in the lives of others. I was still focused on only myself and what was required of me to move to the next class and not fail out again. Oh, and also to find a husband which I was told often was part of the expectation of a woman in higher education. I did meet my husband at Campbell University and we have worked hard to stay married and raise our children with respect for themselves, their world, and others. I just wish I would have been smarter so that I understood the real meaning of the relationship and could have been a better wife and mother.
If I had known in my jobs that nothing was required of me other than the task assigned to me and to be honest with myself, my coworkers, and the company I would probably be employed today. I probably would not have nightmares of running into past coworkers and fearing that they hate me. I probably would not be expressing those fears in this blog post. I imagine I would be a sought after employee who was known for their loyalty and willingness to separate professional and personal so that the work environment was pleasant for everyone. I would definitely approach each day with a positive mindset and work to sustain positive and proper relationships with anyone I was in contact with.
I know this does not cover all the times in my life I could have and should have learned to do better. I know I should have been a better mother, wife, friend, volunteer, advocate…, but unfortunately many people I encountered in my past I have no idea how to reach. My brother has passed from this life into whatever happens after life on earth. I remember his last Chritsmas with us… none of us knew that within five weeks he would be dead. What would we have said or done differently? Would we have said how much he mattered to us? Would we have said that his absence would leave a definite void in our lives? Would we have apologized for not trying harder to have a good relationship with him? Would we have reflected on the funny times we had shared? Would we have asked for forgiveness if needed or said that we needed him to seek forgiveness from us? Would we have been petty or willing to let the past be gone from our memory so that those last five weeks would have been a celebration of the joy we had? There was definitely more joy than sorrow. I find that to be true in every relationship. If you think of all the moments you have had the people in your life, joy outweighs the sorrow almost every time. I think we feel the sorrow more because it was what seemed to get our attention and shake us from the everyday relevance of the relationship. We spend more time thinking of the hurt instead of focusing on the much longer time of happiness.
To anyone I have hurt and did not realize I did that to you, I apologize. I know we had many more laughs than tears. To those I hurt and have had the opportunity to apologize to, I want to say at least once more that I cherish our relationship and want it to be better from this day forward. I know I am not perfect (sorry it took so long for me to recognize that), but any day with a friend or loved one is better than being perfect.
Today is International Women’s Day 2021. The world is emerging slowly from a global pandemic that has changed almost everyone’s life in one way or another. I hope that we find joy in our ability to be kind to others, treat every single person the way we treat ourselves and/or our loved ones and also accept the kindness of our acquaintances and those we do not know. If we approach life in a manner that shows we know and accept that we all have different perspectives and a perspective that is different from our own is a learning opportunity, then maybe we can move toward some kind of peace in our own lives. I am looking for peace and love in my life. I want to trust those to whom I am closest to take care of themselves and treat others with respect and to love me and accept me as I continue on my learning journey. As a woman, I want to teach my children to be kind to themselves so that it is natural to be kind to others. To my children, I love you and I am so proud of the journey you have taken and are still taking to be a positive helper, friend, advocate, and activist. Be a helper or seek the help you need.
Leave a comment