I am not gonna claim to be grounded in research which answers the question to this week’s post, but I am old enough to offer advice for what has helped me over the years.
I am a first-generation college student who grew up in a poor family in rural North Carolina in the US. I was not a brilliant student, but I was intelligent (I just did not know it at the time). I spent much of my life believing that I was barely above-average academically, below-average on the social intelligence scale, and failing at honesty. Of course as an adult (and after years of soul-searching and off and on threapy), I have learned why I did not know how to make true friendships or good grades. I was not able to tell the truth about my experiences at home which were causing me mental, emotional, and physical pain.
Trust me, I tried. However, I told my story to people who were actually part of the problem and they in turn told me to never tell anyone outside of the family what I was enduring… “because we don’t tell on family.” I was 55 years old before I truly broke the chains of my oppressors and I am still dealing with the PTSD caused by abuse I endured from as early as 3 years old. Of course the abuse may have begun earlier, but my first memories are from the age I just mentioned. So, when I say I have had to motivate myself time and time again to just get out of bed and shower I really mean it.
I mentioned earlier that I was a first-generation college student. Well… it took me 10 years and three different institutions of higher ed to earn a 4-year Bachelor’s degree. I was so determined to get that degree that I sacrificed time with my first-born child to keep that dream alive. It was a proud moment for me when I finally reached, what I had considered at the time, a pinnacle of education. Little did I know that there was more in store for me. I have since earned a Master’s and a Doctorate degree, but none of these accomplishments came easy… I struggled to stay motivated.
So how did I do it? How did I motivate myself to carry on when it seemed life really did not have that plan for me? I honestly do not know for certain… I think the most important element was to continue reading and educating myself on various topics. Read, read, read… learn, learn, learn… I never had anyone tell me the importance of reading and finishing books, articles, texts of any kind and finding meaning in what I was reading. I had so many great teachers and professors, but because I was able to read well at an early age, perform well in school without studying (or reading) no one seemed to notice that I was faking my way through school. I was the only one who knew that I did not read The Great Gatsby in 11th grade or Alice In Wonderland in 10th grade. I said that I did, took the tests and did well enough that no one ever questioned if I did the required reading. I was able to mask my pain and anger by passing (but not excelling in) classes, remaining competitive in the sports I chose to play, and not having meaningful friendships or relationships in my younger years. When I was asked anything at all, I said what I thought others wanted to hear.
I am one that believes motivation is intrinsic. Of course some people use extrinsic rewards and bribes to motivate themselves to complete tasks, but for me, true motivation comes from within. One must know the end goal and find ways to work toward that goal. Life is a beautiful puzzle that is put together one piece at a time. You are your greatest cheerleader. Trust yourself to have your best interest at heart. You may make mistakes along the way, but you will find your strength when the time to move forward is at hand. Someone told me the other day that I was a good friend… “meine bestes Kollege” was what she said. I was so surprised because I had forgotten her birthday and was 2 days late sending a text message to wish her well. However, we share a common reality… we are two older women living in a country other than the one in which we were born, we barely speak the language (which happens to be the common language between the two of us), and we are both looking for jobs. My friend is from Turkey, I am from the US, and we only speak German to each other. It is the perfect story for a sitcom! We may go months between text messages, even longer between meeting up for coffee, but we motivate each other to keep learning our new language so that we can become better.
We all have it within ourselves to move forward every day. We all likely have at least someone we can count on to understand what we are going through most days. So, do not lose hope… there will always be someone smarter than you and there will always be someone who does not know the things that you know, but we are all working toward goals whether intentionally set or not. Sometimes the goal is to get a shower if nothing else … and that is ok! Stay strong, keep hope front and center, and never give up on yourself. One day you will be typing these words for someone else to read.
I love you guys!
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